


108 Bells

by Isabeau_Gower



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Gen, Holidays, New Year's Eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-31
Updated: 2005-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-20 19:56:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/216562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isabeau_Gower/pseuds/Isabeau_Gower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Genjyo Sanzo's sudden quiet is as odd to his traveling companions as the sudden warm spell in December.  When Sanzo decrees a detour to an out of the way village for a break, will they find the answers to their questions?</p>
            </blockquote>





	108 Bells

108 Bells  
A Saiyuki Fanfic  
Isabeau Gower

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki or its characters and make no profit from the telling of my story.

 

Sanzo had been quiet for the last three days. At the best of times, he wasn’t generally talkative, but this was unusual even for him. At Sanzo’s request, Hakkai had altered their course slightly. They were still headed west, but had taken a less traveled path that would go through far fewer towns. After spending two nights camping out under the stars, they would finally reach a town this evening. Hakkai never complained about sleeping outside, but he was looking forward to the prospect of a soft bed and a hot bath. In the wake of Sanzo’s behavior, the litany of complaints from the back seat had all but dried up. Apparently, it was no fun for Gojyo to whine about the lack of alcohol and other things unless he could get a rise out of Sanzo doing it. Even Goku’s pleas for food had slowed to a trickle, and the young man actually looked as though he missed the fan. The fan. Hakkai finally realized that none of them had seen either the fan or the gun for the last three days. Suddenly fearing for Sanzo’s health, he pressed down on the accelerator and urged Hakuryu to reach the town a little faster.

The farm fields surrounding the town were the group’s first indication that they were nearing their destination. A scattering of farm houses preceded a larger cluster of homes and businesses that marked the main section of town, and set slightly apart and on a small rise, stood a modest sized temple. Hakkai drove on to what seemed to be an inn and brought Hakuryu to a stop. While Gojyo and Goku unloaded their things and Hakkai obtained their rooms, Sanzo walked through the building to the bar, where he smoked two cigarettes and drank a single beer. From the check-in desk, Hakkai watched as Sanzo stubbed out his last cigarette, pushed his chair away from the table and the empty beer glass, and sat quietly with his eyes cast slightly downward but still open. Urging his two companions up the stairs to their rooms, Hakkai decided that a conference was in order.

“So what the hell gives with droopy eyes?” Gojyo started.

“I have no idea,” Hakkai answered. “I was rather hoping one of you two might have some idea what was going on.”

“Are we sure that’s even Sanzo?” Gojyo asked. “Maybe somebody stole ours and left this one behind.”

“Nah. That’s Sanzo,” Goku asserted. “He just gets like this once in a while.”

“Really?” Hakkai asked. While he and Gojyo had known Sanzo for two and a half years now, it was only in the last six months since they began the journey west that they had spent any significant time with him. “Is there any pattern behind his behavior?” Hakkai inquired.

“Huh?” Goku’s face reflected his confusion with the question.

“He means do you know why? Is there something that happens before he gets like this?” Gojyo explained.

“Well…” Goku pondered the question carefully before answering, “nothing special ever happens that I can think of, but, it is usually kinda cold outside when he gets like this.”

“That’s very interesting,” Hakkai observed. They had all noticed Sanzo’s behavior on certain occasions when it rained. Even Hakkai, who had issues of his own about rain, had sensed Sanzo’s discomfort when the weather changed, but this was different. It didn’t have the weight or anger of those rainy days, just the unnatural quiet.

“What, our freaky pod-monk is going into some kind of hibernation or something?” Gojyo teased.

“No, Gojyo, I think the significance of the…” Hakkai’s theory was interrupted by Goku who was gesturing at something outside the window.

“Guys! Look! It’s Sanzo.” Joining Goku, they watched as a robed figure on the street below moved in the direction of the busy town square. A large crowd had gathered and seemed to be setting up tables and torches for some type of celebration, and the men looked on in amazement as Sanzo walked straight into the group and stopped to speak to one of the workmen.

“There is something seriously wrong with your nose, monkey. There’s no way THAT is Sanzo,” Gojyo declared firmly.

Goku merely shrugged his shoulders while Hakkai tried to close his gaping jaw.

“Maybe we should follow him,” Hakkai finally suggested.

With nothing better to do, Goku and Gojyo followed him out of the room and out the inn’s front door. Goku’s nose immediately picked up the scent of a dozen different foods coming from the windows of various houses and remembered that it was long past time for lunch. Just as he was about to issue his usual ‘I’m hungry’, his stomach beat him to the punch and growled loudly enough to be heard by both of his companions.

“I know, Goku, we’re all hungry. Let’s just collect Sanzo and then we’ll all sit down to an early dinner together. Alright?” There was the usual amusement in Hakkai’s eyes as he put Goku off, but the young man read the concern for Sanzo there as well and nodded in agreement.

By the time they reached the town square, Sanzo was long gone. Looking around, Gojyo caught sight of him first and physically turned Hakkai’s head in the direction of the blond priest.

“Tell me that you see what I’m seeing or fix my eyes, Hakkai, because that looks an awful lot like Sanzo letting himself be dragged up to the temple by three children who are pulling on his robes.” Gojyo’s voice caught Goku’s attention as well and all three stood facing the hill.

“My eyesight isn’t the best, Gojyo, but that certainly seems to appear as though it might be the case.” Hakkai spoke carefully, unwilling to commit himself fully to what he thought he was seeing.

“Whoa. There’s no gun, no fan, and that vein on the side of his head isn’t even popping out,” Goku said in amazement.

“Are you three with Master Sanzo?” a voice asked from behind them.

Turning toward the speaker, they realized that a small group had paused in their work to look over in their direction.

“Ah, yes,” Hakkai answered. After making the introductions, he hesitantly asked, “It appears as though we’ve intruded on some sort of celebration. Is it alright for us to be here?”

The man smiled indulgently at the small group and gave a tiny chuckle. “Why, of course it is.”

Goku watched and listened and still didn’t know what was going on. With perfect Goku clarity and simplicity, he asked the real question, “What are you guys doin’?”

“We’re getting ready for the New Year’s celebration. As soon as we get done setting up the tables, digging the firepits, and setting out the lanterns, the feast will begin.”

Things were blissfully uncomplicated in Goku’s world. Dig a firepit, get dinner. “Can I help?” he asked.

“Why certainly, young man. If you wouldn’t mind helping to dig, the shovels are over there and the posts with the blue flags mark where we need to have pits dug.”

The man had hardly finished speaking before Goku was off and digging happily in the rich earth of the town square.

Gojyo turned to Hakkai. “So, which is it? Wanna stay and help or go spy on the monk?”

Hakkai turned back to face the temple for a moment and closed his eyes. He couldn’t always sense the presence of danger, but this place felt safe and quite peaceful. Besides, Sanzo was perfectly capable of taking care of himself at least long enough for the two of them to close that small a distance. Turning to once again face the town elder, Hakkai smiled and asked, “How can we help?”

The men were put to work driving the stakes into the ground for the lanterns and setting the long tables into position. With so many willing workers, the task was quickly completed, and the food began to arrive just as the sun was setting.

It was winter, but the days had been unseasonably pleasant, and so the town decided to risk having the celebration out where everyone had room to be together. A makeshift windbreak helped to cut back on the chilly wind and the heat of the fire pits took care of the rest. Mountains of food appeared on the tables, and while it was all vegetarian, Goku’s mouth was watering at the sight and smell.

As they sat at one of the tables and ate their fill, Goku remarked, “They’re really nice to feed us like this. Don’t ya think?”

Hakkai nodded and absently continued to eat as he looked at their surroundings. When the last of the sun disappeared from the horizon and the lamps were lit, it became clear that there were lanterns lit on one side of the temple grounds as well. Silhouetted in the dim light, a form which was clearly Sanzo appeared outside the temple standing next to a shorter, hunched over figure. Hakkai watched as their approach was made visible by the bright lights of the town square, and Sanzo’s companion was revealed to be an aged temple priest. The pair made their way to the food table and took small portions in bowls before retreating to a table near one of the pits. The old priest sat close to the fire to warm his stiff legs as they ate, and he and Sanzo occasionally seemed to be exchanging conversation.

Gojyo’s voice finally broke through Hakkai’s intense vigil. “What do you think this is all about?”

“Gojyo?”

“Why are we really here, Hakkai? What’s going on with Sanzo?”

“I’m not really certain, Gojyo, but I think this town was the point of his detour three days ago. At the time I had thought that he was just sick of the crowds and preferred some peace and quiet, but now I think this was his reason all along.”

If Goku was puzzled by Sanzo’s behavior, he certainly wasn’t showing it. After eating his fill, he sat back against a tree outside the circle of light and watched the stars.

“Get a load of him,” Gojyo said as he poked Hakkai in the ribs and gestured at Goku. “He’s certainly rolling with the new and improved Sanzo.”

“He has good instincts where Sanzo is concerned, and has always been protective of him. If something really was wrong, I think Goku would know. He did say that he’d seen this side of Sanzo before, so he has reason to know if there was a cause for concern.”

Slowly, the crowd started to drift away from the tables. Sanzo and the old priest made their way back up the hill, youngsters played on the remaining green space, the elderly enjoyed the warmth of the fires, and the adults cleaned up the remains of the feast and the dishes. Gojyo and Hakkai stood up from their place and helped to collect the dishes and take the leftover food to the inn, which had more room for storage. By the time they returned to the square, they saw that many, but not all, of the adults were making their way up the hill to the temple.

Spying the man they had spoken to earlier, Gojyo approached him and asked, “So, what happens now?”

“Well, first there will be a small service at the temple and then most of us will sit zazen for at least some portion of the evening.”

“Za-what?”

Hakkai and Goku caught sight of Gojyo talking to the man they had met earlier and walked over to join them just in time for his explanation.

“Zazen is the way we practice our meditation. I’m not sure how you travel with a Sanzo and don’t know this, but you certainly aren’t required to attend and sitting for hours is quite difficult for those who are new to it. Most of us will get up at least once during the evening and do a walking meditation when our legs become too stiff to continue without distraction.”

“Would it be all right if we watched?” Hakkai asked.

“I don’t see why not...as long as you’re quiet and don’t disturb the others.”

Hakkai thanked the man and waved at him as he walked up the hill to join the others.

By the time the trio arrived at the temple, most of the town was already inside and the large open room was quite full. Gojyo and Hakkai were tall enough that they could just make out the forms of Sanzo standing with several priests on the far side of the room, but Goku could see nothing except the forest of bodies.

At the clear sound of a bell, the participants all bowed deeply at the waist. As they stood still in the echoes of the bell’s tone, they held their hands together, palms facing one another, at heart height and listened as the priests began to chant. The form was obviously one that they all knew well, as there were portions where the group chanted as a whole, and others where the priests or lay leaders would chant alone.

Goku knew the sound but not the meanings. It suddenly struck him that he hadn’t really heard chanting since he and Sanzo left the temple to begin the journey west. It wasn’t as though Sanzo took him along for services, but the sound of the chanting carried through the temple and he heard well enough from the confines of the priest’s private room. He suddenly felt a little homesick for the place where he had spent so much of his time living with Sanzo after being rescued from the cave. The monks had made his life miserable more often than not, but now, he wondered how they were and whether he would ever see them again.

When the chant finally ended, the quiet seemed deafening; and then it began. Sanzo began to chant. To hear Sanzo chant was an experience that was felt as much as heard. Hakkai watched the room around him with one part of his mind, even as he himself was affected by the sound. He knew just enough about Buddhist traditions to know that leaving sin and evil behind was a central focus of many of the rituals for New Year. The sound of Sanzo’s clear and commanding voice was cleansing and beautiful. There was no thought of the admittance of evil in its presence.

To his right, Gojyo stood mesmerized by the sound which had a calming effect on his soul. To his left, Goku looked forward, and even though Hakkai knew that Goku couldn’t physically see Sanzo, he was staring at the source of the sound with a possessive admiration in his eyes. Hakkai felt the soothing effects on his own soul and closed his eyes to enjoy the moments of peace for as long as they lasted. He had no concept of time, no idea how long or short they stood there, but he felt reborn by the time Sanzo finished.

As Sanzo finished, the sound of his voice seemed to hang in the air for a few seconds. Once the quiet had been restored, the bell was rung again and the people bowed before filing out of the room. The trio was forced to move back by the throng of people entering the space, and they lost track of where Sanzo disappeared to. Inside the room, a handful of younger priests and some lay people were setting pairs of cushions against the wall.

Some people headed back down toward town, and others milled on the grounds as they waited for the signal to re-enter the zendo. Gojyo had decided to wander away from the sacred grounds and help himself to a cigarette when he noticed Sanzo standing at a small shrine a short distance from the temple. He had lit up his own cigarette and was smoking it absently as he stared at the shrine. It seemed a humble enough set up, nothing special to catch anyone’s attention, and yet the priest had his eyes fixed upon it. He had nearly decided to walk over for a closer look himself when he felt Hakkai’s arm at his elbow. As he turned to face his companion, he saw Hakkai shake his head as if to say ‘no’ and gave up the idea. After lighting his own smoke, they turned and walked in a different direction.

Goku watched all three of his companions from his perch on the temple roof. This would be a good place to kill a few hours and be able to keep an eye on his loved ones. He hadn’t been worried about Sanzo, but watching him stare at the shrine had made him feel slightly sad. He was glad that Hakkai had stopped Gojyo. He knew the water sprite meant well, but he could tell that Sanzo wanted to be alone right now and as long as he could still watch over him, that was okay.

Sanzo heard the bell calling them to meditation and ground the cigarette out under his heel. He glanced once more at the small shrine to the spirits of the temple’s former priests, a simple arrangement of oranges and rice cakes, and turned to make his way back. There would be a place made for him in the zendo, and he was actually looking forward to starting. This trip was stressful enough, but it was also bringing up other things that made it even more difficult. A few hours respite from his thoughts was exactly what he needed tonight.

Bowing first, he stepped precisely by form into the room. Amongst the priests, there was an empty cushion to the right of the venerable one that had obviously been meant for him. Ordinarily he would scorn such a display and sit in a corner away from it all, but he yielded for the sake of the elderly priest who had been so understanding and undemanding. He had come here for his own reasons, not to lead their services, and the head priest understood and respected that. He asked no questions of Sanzo and had requested the chanting of only one sutra from him.

Taking his place, he bowed again before kneeling on the thin cushion. Priests of this temple wore the more voluminous robes better suited to sitting at meditation. Sanzo’s robes, being tighter around his legs, would make the position difficult and so he opted for the alternate position of half kneeling. Placing the larger cushion on its side and between his calves, Sanzo leaned back until he was seated on it with his thighs at a 45 degree angle to the ground. In this position, he would be comfortable to kneel for some time. Hands placed in front of him and eyes fixed to the wall, he began to focus on his breathing.

If he expected the surroundings and the rare quiet to help him with his meditation, he was sadly mistaken. Sanzo had trouble pushing the thoughts out of his mind this evening. So many things wandered through his head: Master Sanzo, the missing scripture, his mission, his companions; even the faces of many of the people they had met on the journey. One by one, he felt them and let go of them, until his mind was finally released from its distractions and the meditation could begin. It was such a simple thing and yet so difficult to sit and breathe; a perfect metaphor for life.

He was not so unaware of his surroundings that he didn’t notice the coming and going of the priests and lay people. Headed to the garden for walking meditation to stretch their legs, he thought, before falling back into his own rhythm. The hours passed quickly though, once he had entered the meditation, and it hardly seemed as though two and a half hours had passed before he heard the first of the 108 bells that would signal the new year. He listened to the tolling of the heavy temple bell and its reverberating tones. It was easy to understand why people put so much stock in hearing the bells being able to drive away the evils of the world, but Sanzo knew better. He had seen so many things in his short years; too many to believe in a simple bell. But he still believed in Koumyou Sanzo and he still believed in the power of the divine scriptures. If he did the job he had accepted, there would be some measure of peace restored to the world, but not the end of suffering that was always wished for at times like these.

Before long, the bells were silent and the zendo was empty. He was alone with his thoughts, and only the old priest remained at his side. He had risen at some point, he honestly didn’t remember when, and was walking out with him when he finally returned fully to his own mind. They walked in silence until they reached the garden.

“Have you found what you needed?” the priest asked softly.

“Almost,” Sanzo answered. “Where can I get a jug of sake?”

 

As he entered the town square, Sanzo saw his three companions sitting amongst the throng of townsfolk happily eating their New Year soba. He scanned the crowd quickly and found the person he was seeking. After a quick word in her ear, he was in and out of the inn’s bar and supplied with a jug of warm sake and two cups. It was an easy walk back up the hill and to the shrine.

When he arrived, he pulled his cigarettes out of his robe and laid one on the shrine before putting the other in his own mouth and lighting it. Holding the cigarette with only his lips, he picked up the jug of sake and poured the liquid into one of the cups where it joined the cylinder of tobacco on the shrine. He poured one for himself and sipped at it slowly as he smoked.

If he closed his eyes, he could almost believe that the smell of the sake and the smoke was coming from Koumyou Sanzo. How many times did he watch his master smoke and drink? Why did he never remember those simple, happy times? Life was less complicated when he lived with Master Sanzo. He knew that there were things – unpleasant things – that Koumyou Sanzo had had to contend with, but it never bled out into their lives the way Genjyo Sanzo’s troubles did. There was a reason Kouryou the river rat had once said he believed in no one but himself and Master Sanzo. He knew that the robes were just robes, but somedays it felt impossible to fill them and the sutra weighed heavily on his shoulders.

On New Year’s night, after the services were over, Master Sanzo would take him back to his room and they would sit on the east-facing porch to wait for the sun to rise. Koumyou Sanzo would sit quietly and smoke as he sipped at his sake. Only Kouryou was allowed to join him on those occasions, and they were special memories. He thought now that he would like to do that again and headed further up the hill to an overlook behind the temple. It faced the southeast, and so would have a perfect view of the coming dawn.

He sat for an hour or more, forcing himself to remember Koumyou Sanzo in any way other than the day he died. He thought now that he was doing his master an incredible disservice to only remember him that way. Genjyo Sanzo had intended it to be a reminder of his own weakness, his own failings; but in doing so he had tainted the memory of the wisest man he had ever known. What lessons had he forgotten when he used Master Sanzo as a punishment instead of his foundation?

Empty robes, empty life, hold on to nothing. He had held on to the pain, though. Life is a journey full of choices and decisions. He chose to take on the burden of the sutra; he chose to take on the journey west. For as much as he grumbled about it sometimes, it had been his choice to do these things and he would see them through or die trying. Part of that decision involved bringing the other three along with him, and he had kept them at arms length. There was no need to tell them about Koumyou Sanzo or himself or their relationship, but there was also no reason to keep himself so distant from them, either.

Sanzo heard the three of them coming up the hill. His traveling companions were making enough noise to let him know they were there, but being quiet enough to not be a bother. They approached within a few feet of him and stopped as if to ask for his permission to join them. Making his choice, he nodded his head and felt a cloak being wrapped around his shoulders.

It wasn’t until he felt the weight of the warm wool that Sanzo realized how chilled he had become sitting up here on the ground and unprotected from the wind. Gojyo flopped down unceremoniously on his right and Hakkai on his left, and he could see that they had taken the time to fetch cloaks for all of them. Goku moved around in front of him and waited for a sign. Sometimes looking at Goku was like looking into a mirror. There was a desire for acceptance in those eyes that he knew Master Sanzo must have seen when he looked at him.

Another choice to make, another step forward. Sanzo reached for the belt to his robes and untied it quickly. Pushing aside the fabric, he moved his denim covered legs apart and held his hand out to Goku. A smile erupted on Goku’s face as he all but jumped into the space between Sanzo’s legs and leaned his back against Sanzo’s chest. And this was how they sat, occasionally drinking but making no other noise. They watched the horizon in companionable silence and enjoyed the shared warmth from the contact that passed between the four of them.

Sanzo was acutely aware of the men on either side of him, leaning in slightly and sharing heat. He imagined Hakkai analyzing this new side of him, both figuratively and physically, since he was generally seated on the opposite side while they traveled. He could almost ‘hear’ Gojyo’s thoughts. The kappa was appreciating the body next to him in wonderment, having thought he was good for nothing but swearing, drinking, smoking, playing cards, and shooting things.

Goku’s mind was blissfully silent and Sanzo leaned a little closer in appreciation. The monkey didn’t care about anything but this very moment. He felt no need to analyze anything or be surprised by it. It was enough that it was happening, and Goku was very good at living fully in the moment. Goku reached to either side of him and grabbed Sanzo’s hands. He tugged them in front of him so that Sanzo was holding him loosely.

Another choice. Pull away or stay like this? Goku was warm, and quiet, and it was pleasant like this with all of them. Sanzo took a deep breath and let it out. Just for once, just for now, he would take this chance and share this moment with all of them, just as his master had once shared so much of his life with him. The best lessons that he learned from Koumyou Sanzo had nothing to do with the temple and everything to do with life. He suddenly wondered if, someday when he was gone, Goku would look back on this time and see anything significant about it, or would he set it aside and forget that Genjyo Sanzo had ever existed? Would he see these things as memories worth keeping or would he only hold onto the pain?

A gasp from Goku pulled Sanzo from his thoughts and he looked up to see the sun just starting to break over the horizon. Goku’s hands tightened on his own and he tried to wrap himself tighter in Sanzo’s embrace. Goku would sometimes refer to Sanzo as ‘his sun’. As the priest watched the sunrise and felt its first warming rays strike his face, he suddenly felt like a child again and remembered the awe of sharing that moment with Master Sanzo. He felt tears fighting to break loose from his eyes and drove them back with an effort. He wasn’t a child anymore, and the time for tears was past. These men and his mission were his present.

Goku stood up and held his hand out to Sanzo. On any other day, Sanzo would probably have brushed help aside and gotten up on his own power, but not today and not with Goku. Sanzo took the hand in his own and pulled himself up. The long hours of sitting and the kneeling had left his legs stiff. It would make for a good excuse if he was challenged about staying in town for another day. New Year’s is a day that is traditionally set aside for families in the Buddhist world. He would spend today as he spent most days for the last six months when their travel and battles were over for the night: drinking, smoking, playing card games, and watching his companions share their laughter. No one ever needed to know that today he would actually enjoy it.


End file.
